Being Single Isn’t a Handicap

Go to your local bookstore, newsstand or the like and pick up any magazine aimed at women.  Perhaps with the exception of Yoga Today, you are sure to find an article that will tell you either directly or indirectly how to stop being single, how to end the epidemic that is stripping your life of purpose and meaning.  Perhaps it's just me, but I have yet to see the connection between my being single and say my sense of style or my health and fitness, but apparently there is one because Marie Claire is telling me where to meet Mr. Right and Women’s Health lets me write in to ask a man questions about other men.  Ya know, so I can get some insight into this profoundly confusing creature straight from the source.  Obviously the ultimate goal is to end my loneliness and find me a man (nevermind that these articles are fundamentally sexist, they’re heterosexist too).

Sadly, it doesn’t end there.  The idea that being a single women equals being unhappy or lonely or unfulfilled is pervasive in our culture.  When I am asked if I am dating anyone/have a boyfriend the answer is always “no” and the response generally falls into one of two categories: “oh, that’s a shame” or “don’t worry, you’ll find someone”.  Because since I’m single surely I must be trying to stop it.  If I found out I had cancer I’d seek treatment immediately, and clearly being single is just as deadly.  Who cares that I have lived all over the country and abroad, have travelled the world and earned myself a master’s degree in a field that I’m passionate about?  What does it matter that I find my self-worth in things like my intelligence, my sense of humor and my ability to help and support others, instead of my ability to attract a man?  Obviously I must struggle with my single condition and clearly there must be something wrong with me. 

But I’m here to let you in on a little secret: not every single woman is single because she can’t find a man.  Some women are single because they truly want to be single.  Let me say that again, just so I’m sure you got me: SOME WOMEN WANT TO BE SINGLE.  It can be a choice and in no way a result of not being skinny, pretty or feminine enough.  My being single has nothing to do with looking for love in all the wrong places or calling/texting too soon or not knowing enough about sports (frankly, I know plenty about sports).  I’m not a drama queen, I’m not too clingy.  I don’t have daddy issues.  I’m not a prude, I’m not a slut.  I don’t, to my knowledge, have any crazy annoying habits.  I’m not interested in playing games and I don’t know “The Rules”.  I’m not shallow, I’m not looking for a guy that looks like Ryan Gosling (I mean, I am but I’m not really.  I know that’s probably not going to happen).  I don’t have unrealistic expectations, but I’m not willing to settle just for the sake of not being single.

I, however, am fiercely independent, but this is not my manifesto.  This is not some kind of war cry to join together all single women in an attempt to get them all to celebrate their singledom.  It’s OK to not want to be single.  Frankly, I don’t want to be single forever.  This is also not about bashing myself or men, although I might have some constructive criticism for both.  This is about enjoying my independence and exploring the reasons I might be single in a funny and self-appreciating way.* Maybe you’ll enjoy it, maybe you won’t.  Maybe I won’t care either way.**

* I also invite other single women to celebrate their own awesomeness and reason that they might be single that aren’t self-depreciating. 

**Actually, I’m a people-pleaser and I love to make people laugh so I really want you to like it.